Nineteen: Happiness is a Choice

Can it be this easy?  Well, no, you need to go through a process of thought before you can accept this basic truth. 

We can all accept the given that we are in control of what we want to think about, most of the time.  A simplistic metaphor is deciding which movie to view at leisure, at home.  Will we watch a flick that stimulates, warms, entertains?  Or watch a heart-wrenching, tragic, horror story that leaves us feeling bereft?  We have this choice every day, and night, as we try to sleep sweetly, and go back to sleep later after waking in the night, in our thoughts.

Why do we slip into the self-terrorizing arenas of thought that strain the psyche and make us feel that life is no fun?  Because we allow it.  We allow the burglar into the apartment.  We invite the vampire over the threshold.  The shark into the pool.  The fly into the ointment.  The, well you get the idea.

We forget that we have ‘executive control’ over what screens in our mind’s eye.  But this is where the heavy lifting comes in.  We have to exert that control.  We have to resist negative thoughts.  We can’t let the wolf blow down the house without some concerted efforts to prevent it, now can we?  This is one of those things that takes work to attain, but is so worth it.

To cut us some slack, thinking is habitual.  If our thinking has been on the negative side for decades, that’s a really strong current to swim against, at first. 

To begin, make the decision that that’s just what you’re going to do.  Dedicate yourself to it.  Tell yourself in the mirror out loud, every day, “I resist negative thoughts.”  Make it in the present tense.  Be active. 

Next, give yourself small successes.  Choose negative thoughts that aren’t that overwhelming, and wrestle with each of them in turn.  Contradict them.  Dis-empower them.  Minimize them.  Reject them.  Success gives you more strength – another way to say, “self-esteem.”  Collect these successes.   Write them down.  Remind yourself often that this is your new way of thinking about yourself, and about your life.

You are challenging unhealthy beliefs about living.  ‘Shoulds,’ ‘I can’ts,” and ‘buts’ put up walls that keep you from further evolution into a stronger, savvier, more logical person.

As you defy the little monsters in your head, you start to feel better.  It comes over you and becomes an established chosen way to think.  You are choosing happiness by not choosing despair.  Dispel one, you find the other.  You realize that happiness is in your nature all along.

Published in Etweek on September 7, 2012