Twenty-three: Rewrite the Past

            The burden of a distressing experience that comes to mind often can be very destructive. A negative memory is often used as the basis of a distorted view of one’s abilities, or what one deserves in life. Review of the details of the event may become so close to reliving the occurrence that the trauma gets to do its damage again and again. But how to put a stop to it?

            Thought stopping, a technique used by therapists, seeks to suppress negative thoughts. However, research finds that thought stopping backfires. Trying to halt the thought causes it to linger in memory and come up later, having a rebound effect. And attempting to restrain your thoughts is very difficult.

            Problem solving, and accepting what you cannot change are two strategies preferred by the psychiatric community. All well and good if there is a possible solution, and of course you can’t erase history. This third method is a lot more creative.

            You can rewrite the event. Recreate what transpired. We’re not talking about denial, or delusion. The event exists as a constant; it cannot be changed or erased. However, another version of it can be constructed to repair, redirect, and redesign the experience. By doing this, you sooth yourself when you review the new construct. To use a metaphor, the original memory is a garment that hangs on the back of your closet door. Every time you glance at it you are confronted with all it implies and represents. The rewrite is like a chiffon overlay that is sewn onto the garment. It shows the first version because it is sheer enough to do so, but it is a newer, better improvement to the first.

            Let’s say your bad experience was in the social arena. Perhaps you ended a relationship badly and have many regrets about the pain both of you felt. Reimagine the scene as a conversation rather than a conflict. Imagine that the decision to part was mutual. See both of you refreshed and strong.

            Another example: what if you struggle with a childhood memory in which you lost a contest of some kind that crushed your spirit. Now that a lot of time has passed, it’s OK to win. See yourself in triumph.

            The past event is translated into what might have been, another possibility. When you think about the new story you’ve made to overlay the old one, you engender different emotions, positive ones that are preferable. Instead of stressing over the reality of what once happened, you achieve calm instead. What can’t be changed can be redirected into softer thoughts.

            I suppose this is a form of distraction, a potent way to handle anxiety. But also this is especially interesting because it is a method distinctively different from the gold standard: use of logic to rule difficult emotion. Where logic is powerful, a rewrite is playful.

            Instead of thought stopping it is thought control, not what you should have done, but what you could have. It is active thought redirection: you have helped yourself.

As you think, so it shall be.

Happiness