Thirteen: Change Talk

Here’s proof that the words, “I can’t” work against you.  Language is an exclusive human way of processing information.  The predominance of positive or negative talk predicts the outcome of any effort.  I suppose we are in effect talking ourselves into things.

The more we voice the logic behind making a significant change, the more progress is made.  Negative talk stunts progress. 

We become convinced of our own convictions the more we repeat them.  If we repeat the logic for change, we adapt to and adopt it.  This ‘change talk’ must therefore progress to  ‘sustain talk’ to finally become ‘commitment language.’  Funny how scholars in psychology make up terms, but they are descriptive. 

'Change talk’ is also useful when challenging deeply ingrained ‘family fictions.’  This last term was coined by Dickens, but is a perfect description for myths that have been accepted as truth.  

An example would be a person who believes that he cannot take needed control over his own life because he must answer to family traditions.  He may not want to enter into the family business or profession.  ‘Change talk’ works to loosen the resistance to independent thinking.  The words, “I can’t” stunt personal growth, difficult as it may at first be.  Words like, “I will succeed in this new field when I get the required training to do the job” become a prediction that encourages freedom, action, and progress.

            As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

Twelve: Neural Pathways

Why are certain trains of thought automatic?  How do we get locked into thinking the same negative thoughts over and over again?  Why do we keep obsessing over the same distressing topics even though we try so hard to stop?

Obsessive thoughts occur because when a new idea comes to our attention it becomes instilled in a neural pathway that becomes deeper and deeper with every repetition.  A neural pathway is the development of a network of brain cells that form in a pattern.  But how do these thoughts become a set pattern?  A neural pathway is created when we learn.  When the learning is emotional, it can be more intense.

A negative neural pathway is formed by emotional learning – the experience of a negative event, or from a stressful realization that may or may not be true.

A neural pathway is like a thin trail across the grass at first.  If the thoughts contain a lot of emotion, the trail attracts attention and is traveled more and more.  The trail becomes a dirt path.  It is getting deeper.  The more often your mind travels down this path, the easier it is to slip into it.  This can become obsession.

The reason negative neural pathways cause emotional pain and unease is that certain chemicals, such as the stress hormone cortisol, are released into the brain at high levels from distressing thoughts.  The more we travel down these paths of thought, the more high levels of these chemicals are maintained.  Anxiety is the result. 

However, the brain is plastic and ever changing, especially when we make a concerted effort to make it change.  If we avoid these negative trains of thought, the negative neural pathways ‘shrivel’ from disuse.  The way to do this is to consciously create positive neural pathways.  The positive, feel-good brain chemicals like serotonin, and endorphins are released into the brain, taking control of your mood.   

If this is so simple, why isn’t it easy to do?  To create a positive neural pathway you must think it over and over again, just as the negative pathway was created.  The emotional charge is not present though.  Therefore, practice is required.  Just as we practiced to drive, play an instrument, or take an exam, so we must have the discipline to repeat positive thoughts.  This constant reinforcement trains the brain to think more rationally. 

A helpful way to start a positive neural pathway is to write down positive ideas.  The focus on the new thoughts intensifies by using other senses.  A few days of ‘practice’ by writing directs you to return to these ideas mentally.  Your positive neural pathways deepen.  You experience concrete relief.

As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

Eleven: "Light theDarkness" published in etWeek

The March 11, 2012 edition of etWeek includes an article I wrote about managing stress:

Light the Darkness

By Anne Starnes Kingsbury

          Life is about balance, the equivalent of happiness.  To maintain balance requires constant adjustment as new circumstances come to our attention.  Stress depletes our cognitive reserve, the mental and emotional defenses we use against the assaults of living.   Cognitive reserve includes self-control, optimism, resilience, and the perception of significant social support.  

We’ve all heard about the evils of stress that damage the body and the psyche.   But almost the worst of the baleful list is that feeling of dread, the darkness of mind, the absence of joy that makes life worth living and the air smell sweet.  Unmanaged stress progresses into anxiety.  Anxiety can develop into hopelessness and depression. 

All is not lost!  We are all born with cognitive plasticity!  We can alter how we think, which alters how we process what we feel, which alters our subjugation to stress.  Our thought processing is plastic.  We can train the brain to perform in sound and strong ways to live in a stressful world.  Practice causes evolution.  Our neural pathways can be restructured to keep us peaceful and happy.

The mind is resilient, especially when it becomes educated in the ways of function, emotion, and thought.  When we know what to expect, have methods to process stress as it arises, and have adequate self-knowledge we are equipped to withstand all challenges. 

When disaster strikes:

Perspective is everything.  As we think, so it shall be.  When a distressing situation, or state of mind arises, we can immediately light the darkness by remembering that anxiety is magnified by uncertainty.  By acknowledging that fearing what might happen is escalating intense stress, the magnitude of the stress is reduced at once. 

The next step is to take mental control by not allowing catastrophic thoughts to create panic.  Deep breathing, three deep, slow breaths should do, reduces the pitch of the anxious state further. 

Finally, relaxing the mind and body enough to use logic instead of emotion to examine a worrisome situation, perhaps at a later time, keeps anxiety at bay.  Stress is managed by logical thinking.

Learning to alleviate stress improves every other ill that you will ever suffer.  Stress management is preventative.  All the clenching of muscles is reduced, which gives the body a break.  Stress related illnesses such as heart disease are minimized.  Social interaction is improved, which benefits your career, and those you love.  The unavoidable slings and arrows in life are met with a strong and courageous spirit.  

Ten: Benefit Finding

Reactions to a difficult medical diagnosis are fraught with extreme distress.  Especially in the beginning, worry over coping with the mental and emotional anguish can be just as bad as coping with the illness. 

An early, fairly automatic response to bad news about your health is to grieve.  You feel loss, of the perception of the person you once were.  This feeling passes.  Then it’s necessary to develop coping methods for what lies ahead.  One that is a form of self-encouragement is benefit finding. 

As you learn to accept a new normal that may include medical treatments, medicines, and a reliance on the medical community, benefit finding, which is the acknowledgment of any and all positives in the face of adversity, fosters positive emotional adjustment.  An example is, if you comply with taking meds, you will proceed to improvement.  Another is, if you find out as much as possible about the condition you have, you may take more charge over your symptom control.  

A caveat (warning) in using this coping method is, the benefit finding should be self-directed.  Other people in your life want to help.  However, their ideas of the positives can burden you because they want you to give ready agreement when you are not at the right mental and emotional place to do so.  The pressure to ‘cheer up and see the bright side’ can cause more distress.  Patience is very important. 

Benefit finding is an effective resource for adapting to illness, and is a mental defense against negative emotion.  As benefit finding buffers you from adverse experiences and negative emotional episodes, you develop a sense of meaning and self-worth.  If becoming ill steals your sense of dignity during periods of stress and tumultuous anxiety, benefit finding restores it.  

The outcome of this process is to become accommodated to your particular situation, and to build new life goals and priorities.  The positive mood this engenders enables you to engage in creative problem solving.  You become a better manager over your illness.  Benefit finding works best when it is used in compliance with your own terms and needs, at your own rate of progress. You learn that you can help yourself.

 As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

Nine: Music Therapy

Mental and physical illness responds well to music therapy.  It’s interesting that Jung once pointed out that illness is ‘dis-ease,’ that is, we lose our sense of composure when we don’t feel well. 

Music can be used by the psyche to express the inexpressible.  It is nonverbal, or uses appropriate words, and is non-threatening.  Expressing emotional pain is an important destressor.  Emoting to music draws out intense feeling; the music seems to emote with you, and for you. 

Music brings about transcendence of symptoms – we rise above them, and regain composure.  Music therapy even helps to manage pain.  This is termed audioanalgesia, an analgesic or pain stopping effect from listening.  This works in three ways.

First, the emotional engagement fostered by listening to music distracts the attention from pain and discomfort.  Focus on the melodic and rhythmic tensions leaves less mental resources for pain perception. 

Second, we acquire a feeling of control over pain because we have an available, engaging way to deal with it.  We can use music as a medicinal treatment.

Third, we make associations with the music from memories we have.  The personal context we recall attaches meaning to the music, and makes it more potent.

With music therapy we can take an active part in healing ourselves.  I have turned to the power of music to help me be brave during a very difficult period of time.  For my needs, I wanted songs with words as well as melodies, that inspired and comforted.  I took a few days to create a list of songs that I found empowering.  My son burned a cd for me.  I played this cd so many times in the car on my way to stressful events.  The music was there for me, and reminded me that I could get through.  Doing this simple thing made me feel less powerless. 

                                         

As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness