Eight: Mood Congruence

Mood congruence is simply the tendency to seek experiences and ideas that confirm our mood.  If we are happy, we find delight in the slightest things.  If we are anxious or depressed, we think the world is an unpleasant place.  We do not see the world through rose-colored glasses.

Mood is so powerful that it dictates what we notice and focus on.  In this way, we maintain a negative mood by feeding it with more fuel to keep it burning out of control.  It’s as if we wish to justify how we are feeling by pointing out to ourselves, and others, proof that not only is there nothing to be happy about, but that there are abundant examples of misery, fear, and pain, everywhere.  We dig ourselves a hole to suffer in, usually alone.    

Awareness of this tendency is the first step in improving mood.  Force yourself to focus on something positive.  This is rather difficult when you are under a layer of negative thoughts, but it is worth the struggle.  One way to approach this, if you find yourself in a bad mood often, is to make a list of mood boosters ahead of time to refer to when you’re down.

This list may include rereading an engaging passage in a favorite book – have it marked and available, taking care of some small nagging task that will give you satisfaction, getting a nice, long, warm hug, or visiting an enchanting place.  Another potent way to improve your mood is to make plans.  Good plans and mental health go hand in hand.  Of course you have to allow yourself to let go of your worries, annoyances, and burdens and embrace ways to improve your mood.  Then, once you are focusing on positive things, you can create a chain reaction to sustain it.

This process is mind control.  You are managing your self. 

As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

Seven: Uncertainty

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is a complex condition.  That said, the single most important factor to be managed is the inability to tolerate uncertainty.  Fear of an escalating ‘what if’ can drive a person to panic or despair. 

Uncertainty involves a preoccupation with minor details.  This preoccupation can assert itself as an obsession.  People enduring a period of uncertainty focus on what are deemed unfixable worries.  When they cannot arrive at an acceptable solution, they experience agitation and distress.  

The first thing to do when caught up in this state is to realize that uncertainty is the cause of the distress.  Bringing rationale into focus instead of runaway emotions creates an immediate level of calm.  The height of anxiety is lowered to a more endurable threshold.  Once a person has come this far, focusing on the present can lessen the feeling of threat even further.  ‘Be here now’ is a current catch phrase.  Realize that nothing is happening at this moment.  Then, when the stress of ‘what if’ is under control, perhaps at a later date, examine the problem logically.    

For example, the illness of a loved one can be a very uncertain time.  The possibility of a negative outcome sets off a chain reaction of worries.  The stress of the situation can become unbearable.  Realizing that uncertainty is magnifying the natural concern one is feeling prevents panic-filled thoughts.  Taking measures to self-soothe, such as having chamomile tea, going outside for a change of scene, and generally removing one’s self mentally and emotionally from the projected fearful future one has concocted works to establish calm. 

Increasing tolerance of uncertainty is a training process like any other.  Self-awareness, correction of erroneous beliefs about worry, better ways to analyze problems, and careful cognitive exposure or thinking about a problem are the necessary steps.

As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

Six: Cheerfulness

A good attitude.  Well adjusted.  Agreeable.  These characteristics are demonstrated by the general practice of cheerfulness.  The tone we portray during interaction with others has more import than we realize.  We are attracted to cheerful people.  We feel better when we are cheerful.  However, we don’t always feel that way.

A heavy schedule makes it hard to be cheerful.  Difficult people to deal with, skipping lunch, a gray day full of mood-suppressing positive ions in the air (negative ions improve mood), there are so many reasons, large and small that we cannot summon a cheerful thought. What to do?

William James, psychologist and philosopher wrote, “Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if cheerfulness be lost, is to set up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already here.”  If we adopt the attitude we wish to portray, if we become actors in our daily interactions, the cheerfulness becomes reality.  It’s personal power of suggestion.  And it gets easier.  The positive effects of cheerfulness, the higher regard from other people, the spring in your step, reinforces the forced attitude.  A little mental discipline can have a significant return.

As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

Five: Relaxation Training

Many people who suffer with anxiety believe strongly that the anxiety happens without rhyme or reason, arising from an unconscious source.  Anxious feelings seem to flood through the mind even when there is no anxiety-causing stimulus.  This belief fosters the hopeless idea that anxiety cannot be controlled, and creates more anxiety. This idea is false.  Relaxation training addresses unconscious anxiety on an unconscious level.

There is a reason why anxiety sneaks up on you.  It’s all about triggers.  Elements of a stressful event can be retained in memory.  These elements can act as triggers to cause anxious feelings later, although there is no present threat.  For example, if a child gets separated from a parent accidentally, in a public place, the noise of a crowd may become associated with the fear the child experiences.  The noise of a crowd may become a trigger that causes the adult who experienced this event as a child to feel automatic panic or intense anxiety.  The adult may be watching a movie, hear the noise of a crowd scene that reminds her of this long past event unconsciously, and feel extremely, inexplicably anxious.  The trigger causes the response.

To deal with anxiety triggers, we do not have to remember the details of long past frightful events.  We can train ourselves to relax on command, mentally, to quell physical tension.  Once muscle tension is lessened or eliminated, the feelings of dread will pass. 

There are varying methods of relaxation training to try.  One involves purposefully tightening, then relaxing muscle groups: facial muscles, arms, abdomen, etc.  The mental part of this training is to imagine stressful things – dental work, public speaking, as the physical relaxation is going on.  As the muscles are tensed then released, a word, such as ‘calm,’ is repeated mentally.  This becomes the conditioned command.  The association of the forced relaxation with usually stressful events serves to weaken the stress response in the body, and then in the mind. 

With relaxation, the anxiety does not escalate once it is triggered.  Escalation of anxiety is driven by additional catastrophic thoughts and the bodily tension that can cause sweating, and rapid heart beat.  The sufferer takes control by aborting the escalating stress with a concerted effort to physically relax by intoning the command word mentally to herself.

As with training of any kind, expertise is not attained over night.  Practice and faith in the technique are necessary.  We train to use computer software; we train for a marathon.  We should train to prevent anxiety attacks.  It’s worth the discipline, and is very empowering.   

As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

Four: Emotional Intelligence

Problems processing emotion are at the root of most mental disturbances.  The facets of emotional intelligence can be developed to enhance the process.

1. Self-awareness  An important thing to teach our children is self-awareness.  Often when people feel upset, part of the reason is physical.  We need to determine if we are tired, hungry, have some pain or discomfort from a headache, ill-fitting shoes, muscle strain, that exacerbates worries, and makes it more difficult to control behaviors toward others.  Next we should determine if other concerns in our private lives are trespassing into our public ones, and try to separate the emotions.  Self-awareness can be termed self-honesty.

2. Managing emotions  Self-awareness leads to self-management.  We must keep our emotions appropriate to the situation we are in at present.  The motives of our emotions are, again, subject to an honest appraisal – are they skewing our thoughts and behaviors?  The complex business of dealing with fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, etc. should be an ongoing, behind-the-scenes task.

3. Motivating self  An empowering way to manage emotion is to channel it in the service of a goal.  That saying about ‘the tough get going’ is a perfect metaphor for this concept.  This cannot be taken too lightly.  This is a major method of processing emotion effectively!

4. Empathy  Without this crucial element, relationships are flawed. 

5. Handling relationships  An important skill to nurture is social competence.  A socially competent person manages the emotion in others.  To do this, one must manage the emotion in one’s self.  A competent social manager avoids conflict, acknowledges the other person’s concerns, maintains an upbeat tone, and does not feel disparaged, intimidated, or controlled by being agreeable.

Cultivating emotional intelligence is sort of like taking inventory during social interactions.  We can only change, or control ourselves, not others.  However, we can manage interactions by managing the emotions in our selves.

As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

Three: A Quick Fix to Improve Your Mood

Once in a while you have a bad day.  Or you just feel down.  To lift your spirits, humming has been proven to chemically elevate you from the blues to at least a  comfortable lavender.

When we hum, nitric oxide levels are raised in the blood.  Nitric oxide has stress-reducing properties.   Humming also serves as a distraction.  It’s hard to stay focused on worries when we are producing a melody. 

I have used humming in public places when necessary.  It does attract attention; people are caught a bit off guard by another person willing to sort of sing out loud.  But then they go back to ignoring you again.  Humming is similar to purring.  It soothes.  Perhaps it’s catching.  Keep it soft.  Give it a try.

       As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

Two: Nondepressed People

An interesting ‘power’ that specialists in any field are granted is the opportunity to coin new words.  I think it’s fun.  They do this to better categorize a theory or belief.  Also, it’s eye-catching and may become a new sensation in the literature in the field.  After all, every specialist, scientist, academician, etc., wants to be known for something bright, shiny, and new.  Mostly, it’s just a better way to understand a slippery concept.

When I sat in the Camellia House at Planting Fields Arboretum thinking about a business name, I was certain that an unusual name would have drawing power.  ‘Nondepressed People’ might make people think, and realize that it’s what we all want to be.  Several advisors carefully explained to me that the name should be concise and easy to remember.  I conceded; creativity and cleverness do not always fit the bill.

During my studies at Phoenix, my favorite bit of information culled from research was this marvelous quote: 

“Nondepressed subjects show an illusion of control, that is, they grossly overrate the degree of covariation between action and outcome under actual contingency.”

                                    Sedek, & Kofta, 1990

In essence, nondepressed subjects or people perceive life in a more positive light despite indications to the contrary, but without going too far.  They are not delusional.  They just always expect good things.  Some might call this Pollyannaism (there, did one) but it’s actually a very important ability to have. 

This sense of illusion is the hope that shines through in all adversity.  It can even be the will to live.  And sometimes, these illusions become prophecies merely by the self-directing power of expectation.  These illusions certainly help us attain our dreams. 

This brings us to the other side of the nondepressed concept – what do depressed people do?  They maintain too strong of a hold on reality, and by doing this, become depressed.  Too strong a grip may dissuade a person from trying harder in the risky business of living.  Taking calculated risks makes us feel alive.  They don’t always work, but sometimes they lead to a different, unexpected success.

We all should cultivate a healthy sense of illusion of control in our living.  It’s all about balance!

  As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness

One: Stress

Stress is an adaptive response.  Feelings of mental discomfort occur to make us realize that some of the elements in our lives are out of balance.  Happiness is balance.  Therefore, we strive to restore a state of happiness by addressing the sources of stress as best we can. 

What’s interesting is, the stress that we feel is not directly caused by the source or stressor.  The stress is caused by our mental reactions to it. As Dr. David Burns points out, “Remember that our suffering does not result from reality but from the judgments we make.”

Most of the time, these reactions or judgments are emotional, such as fear, anger, hurt.  Emotion is a powerful teacher.  It trains us to assess daily experiences in certain ways that are not always beneficial.

Ironically, emotion should not be in charge of processing stress.  The best way to prevent our stress from becoming overwhelming is to use logic.  Logical thinking about events and ideas, a realistic view instead of an emotional view, prevents anxiety, and ultimately, depression. 

As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness