Four: Emotional Intelligence

Problems processing emotion are at the root of most mental disturbances.  The facets of emotional intelligence can be developed to enhance the process.

1. Self-awareness  An important thing to teach our children is self-awareness.  Often when people feel upset, part of the reason is physical.  We need to determine if we are tired, hungry, have some pain or discomfort from a headache, ill-fitting shoes, muscle strain, that exacerbates worries, and makes it more difficult to control behaviors toward others.  Next we should determine if other concerns in our private lives are trespassing into our public ones, and try to separate the emotions.  Self-awareness can be termed self-honesty.

2. Managing emotions  Self-awareness leads to self-management.  We must keep our emotions appropriate to the situation we are in at present.  The motives of our emotions are, again, subject to an honest appraisal – are they skewing our thoughts and behaviors?  The complex business of dealing with fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, etc. should be an ongoing, behind-the-scenes task.

3. Motivating self  An empowering way to manage emotion is to channel it in the service of a goal.  That saying about ‘the tough get going’ is a perfect metaphor for this concept.  This cannot be taken too lightly.  This is a major method of processing emotion effectively!

4. Empathy  Without this crucial element, relationships are flawed. 

5. Handling relationships  An important skill to nurture is social competence.  A socially competent person manages the emotion in others.  To do this, one must manage the emotion in one’s self.  A competent social manager avoids conflict, acknowledges the other person’s concerns, maintains an upbeat tone, and does not feel disparaged, intimidated, or controlled by being agreeable.

Cultivating emotional intelligence is sort of like taking inventory during social interactions.  We can only change, or control ourselves, not others.  However, we can manage interactions by managing the emotions in our selves.

As we think, so it shall be.

Happiness